The Unsuccessful Single


In my life, there were very few moments where I was not entertaining someone. Either I had a boyfriend or I was interviewing for the next boyfriend. Maybe I was shuffling the deck of possible escapees from the friend zone. Whatever my current mood was, I was not without someone occupying my time.

Early in my dating life, I was involved in a relationship that was not healthy. Because of our immaturity and obsession with one another, it became mentally and emotionally abusive, with one occurrence of physical abuse. Coming out of such an emotionally draining relationship you would think that I would want to be alone and swear off guys forever. But I missed that relationship, the attention, affection, and what I thought was love. And soon after my relationship ended I went searching for replacements. Being physical with other guys was not the goal, but filling that missing place was.

About 2 years after that unhealthy relationship, I found myself falling in what I believed to be love in a new relationship. And for about 5 years on and off we played this “love” game. But something in my life still felt missing and after some searching, I found that was Christ. However, finding Christ meant ending my relationship and letting go of my safety net, losing someone important to me. He said having sex was important, I said my soul was more important and we ended just like that.  I know you are cheering me on from the bleachers but do not throw up those streamers just yet. My journey with Christ since that break up has not been paved with daisies and daffodils, there have been some weeds and thorns.

Sometimes I ran into temptation head on and was broken to pieces with the way that I felt afterwards. I came to the conclusion that I was an unsuccessful single. I really did not have any idea what it meant or looked like to be single and really did not want to be single.

Now I know most people will tell you, “be content in your singleness.” But what in the world does this mean and where can I buy this contentment?  I honestly had to learn that being content in singleness is something that may look different for everyone.

The word content means being in a state of peaceful happiness. Now let me be honest, I was not peaceful, I felt lonely. I was not happy, I did not want to be single. So how did I get from those feelings of discontentment to trusting God that being single is not the bubonic plague? I had to learn who I was, who God was, and what love really is. These things have helped move me from being the unsuccessful single to the successful (not perfect) single.

Every Monday and Wednesday for the next 3 weeks I will be posting about the process I have taken to become content in my singleness, what that means and what it looks like for me. Prayerfully, it will inspire you to discover what it looks like for you as well. Want to get notified when the new post comes? Sign up for email notifications: LivFearlessly Mailing List


Love you all, but God loves you so much more

Jessica Lóren


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