The Unsuccessful Single Pt 2



In a world of relationship goals, best friend goals, and life goals, it is becoming easier to lose ourselves while we compare our lives to everyone else. Honestly, I lost who I was long before the world of goals, I would say somewhere around the corner of Myspace right before Facebook boulevard. I became preoccupied with being who people wanted me to be and less concerned about who I was made to be. And hopping from one relationship to the next was no exception.

Have you ever known those people that would change parts of themselves depending on who they were with? I am not talking about those that make small compromises in order to strengthen their relationship. I am talking about people who almost seem to change their personality and character to fit the needs or ideas of another person. You know someone like that? If not you do now. I was that person for a large part of my life. I insisted on changing parts of who I was in order to fit the image of what someone else wanted. And when that relationship or situationship ended I was stuck trying to figure out who the heck I was. Who am I now?

So starting this journey to leave the unsuccessful single part of my life behind the first thing I had to figure out was, who in the world is Jessica? What type of things did she really like? What did she want to do with her life?

For so long I suppressed many things about me for other people and that had to change. So below I have listed five things that I did to help start this process of discovery.

  1. Alone time: One of the most important parts of this process for me was learning to be alone. I mean seriously taking time for myself. That meant not surfing the internet out of boredom, calling people to fill space, or watching television hoping to pass the time. The silence, in the beginning, was a little difficult. But as the time went on I learned to appreciate those 15-30 minutes of silence and me time before I started my day or as I ended it. It gave me a moment to appreciate the time God gave me.
  2. Expression lesson: Getting back to the ways I enjoy expressing myself. I have always struggled with communicating my feelings and have always done better with writing them out. Most of my writing was not appreciated or looked upon as, “too deep.” So I just stopped writing, which made me keep things inside and prevented me from expressing myself correctly. But I got back to writing poetry, short stories, and anything else that helps me to release my emotions or make me happy. Emotions are meant to be felt, but they are not meant to rule us. Embrace them, understand why you are feeling them, and release them in a non-harmful way.
  3. Goals: Understanding what things I wanted were vital to my journey. I wrote a list of things that I wanted to accomplish this year spiritually, personally, career and education. I also wrote what things I could do to help me accomplish those things. With goals in front of me, it is not as easy to get distracted.
  4. Treat yo self: While catering to the needs of some guy I often forgot to care for myself. So I had to learn how to treat myself. Sometimes that looked like painting my nails, a facial, or just having a day to go to the movies and eat nachos. It was the simple things that I learned to do for myself that helped to change how I viewed myself.
  5. Joy seeking: Last and most important was that I had to find my true joy. I have learned by constantly basing who I was in a man was never going to fulfill me. In order to have joy everlasting, I had to get closer to the Creator. The Creator of not only joy but of Jessica. I had to grow more in my relationship with God and in growing I would learn more about me.

This was my starting line and consistently focusing on these areas helped to get the wheels in motion. But I can tell you right now that it was not easy (and still isn’t sometimes). Old habits are hard to break and when you are so accustomed to having someone around it is a major adjustment without them. However, adjustments can be made and you can gain access to who you really are if you take the time you need to do so.


Love you all, but God loves you so much more

Jessica Lóren